3.02.2008

At The Cardio Cinema: Into The Blue

This is more like it:

Movie: Into The Blue (2005, full runtime 110 minutes)

Running length: 18-minute run, 3-minute cool down

Review: The first scene I saw of this movie was Jessica Alba chopping the arm off of some dead guy she's handcuffed too. Pretty much that tells you everything you need to know right there. It doesn't stop there. In 21 minutes, I was lucky enough to further witness a kick in the face (again by Jessica Alba), a hand slammed in the door, a punch to the cajon├ęs, a harpoon to the gut and a bunch of sharks enjoying a human feast. Oh yeah, and this was all one guy.

The Basic Plot: I got to see the climactic ending of this film, so I really don't know what lead to this carnage. I think treasure hunting was involved. Also, harpoons and sharks. Apparently you need to get yourself a harpoon when you're off at sea as it turns out to be a handy weapon. Four people were skewered by harpoons. One guy got a harpoon to the head before he was eaten by sharks. He must've been a real a-hole... A final guy was blown to bits (rather graphically) by a torpedo. I gather he was the leader of the a-holes.

Good: If this closing credits are any indication, this movie was created so that Paul Walker and Jessica Alba could wear tiny outfits and swim around. In this respect, the film succeeds completely.

Bad: Everything else.

Grade: D- Most annoying (to me) were the words flashed dramatically at the end of the movie (I'm paraphrasing): "The world's oceans hold over $6 billion in treasure....waiting to be found." I kind of hate that the filmmakers are asserting that this movie had any point at all, never mind that it's an empty message based on greed. But that's the price you have to pay if you wanna see hot people swim for two hours.

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