At The Cardio Cinema: Ocean's Thirteen

Welcome to a new feature I'm experimenting with here in Ronsonville, where I review entire movies based on what I've seen inside the gym's luxurious cinemaplex. Hopefully it will go down in the annals with past content you've seen in Ronsonville ("Meeting Drawings," "Artist of the Week," "Ronson Vs.") and I won't get bored with it too quickly (though I'm due for another Ronson Vs. soon).

Please enjoy this week's feature presentation:


Movie: Ocean's Thirteen (2007, full runtime: 122 minutes)

Running length: 15-minute run, 3-minute cooldown

Review: Well, for kicking off this feature, we've definitely got an unusual one. 1) A new(ish) film! Most flicks playing at the gym land roughly around the year 2002. 2) I saw the opening credits and the first 15 minutes – usually I'm clueless and trying to follow what's going. 3) Finally, this rest of this film actually looks like it might be watchable – again, a rarity.

The basic plot? Not much to go on. Hmmm, a heist I guess? Looks like Elliott Gould gets betrayed. Half of what I saw were famous people feeling sad about Elliott Gould, so I approve this heist. Whatever the deal, the guy getting robbed probably deserves it.

Good: Eddie Izzard looked like he might be playing a comic relief type character, which is a big thumbs up. I left in the middle of his bit though, so I never found out for sure. Also Casey Affleck was wearing a comical mustache that seemed to be working pretty well.

Bad: I don't know what it is about famous people basically playing themselves, I guess I find it distracting. Also, Ellen Barkin instead of Julia Roberts? Kind of a strange swap.

Grade: B. Again, it probably wouldn't kill me to watch the rest of this one, but it's unlikely that I'd go and rent it. Excellent job, famous people - your charisma has allowed you all to sneak by on yet another Oceans movie.