150-word OSCAR RECAP

Everything you wanted to know about the Oscars in 150 words. Here we go:

Apple commercial-like opening. Ellen monologue is awkward (look at all the different races here tonight!), but beats Billy Crystal's "sings the nominees" any night.

Naked "Shadow Man Group" create images from movies using nothing but their bodies. Sometimes a board. Sometimes Ellen.

Terrible montage tributes to random things. Everyone thanks Al Gore. Oscar continues to abuse "Dream Girls," snubbing Eddie "Norbit" Murphy and not giving it Song Of The Year, instead rewarding a message heavy Melissa Etheridge song. More Gore thanks.

Forrest and Helen win best acting. Skinny actresses pretending to be ugly are shut out. With no conventionally attractive winners, E! has nothing to talk about.

"The Departed" wins and Scorsese finally gets Best Director. "Pan's Labyrinth" wins everything else except Best Foreign Film (wha?), sending my scorecard right to the toilet. Four hours later and it's over! It's not the best Oscars, but definitely not the worst (ahem, "Titanic").

Epilogue: This might be a little late -- I think everyone's already forgotten about the Oscars. Go see "The Departed!" Maybe I should see it before I recommend it. Nah, Oscar has never steered me wrong. Oh wait...


Edmund said...

The "Apple commercial-like opening" was directed by Errol Morris, who actually did direct the Apple "Switch" TV advertisements.

I'd really like to make the previous sentence I wrote more interesting, but I find that I'm tired and groggy and unable to think of a way to punch it up. Ah well!

Kelly said...

I guessed 16 correctly. I won! I won at Oscars!

P.S. My word-verification word is "tllksmck." Talk smack?

Ronson said...

I had a feeling it was more "the director's style" than a direct rip off.

Still, the guy's gotta have more ideas than "people talking against a white background." Maybe?