My relationship with Tom Hanks hits a rocky period

Tom and I have always been close. I was there with him from the beginning, through Splash! and Bachelor Party. I'm in the handful of people who thinks The 'Burbs is a cult classic. So, last week, when my Hotmail inbox said I had a new e-mail message from Tom Hanks, I didn't think much of it. I figured we were just doing that "updating-each-other-on-our-lives" thing.

But no. After opening with a personal anecdote about watching 2001: A Space Odyssey, he began to try to sell me on a membership to AFI. What? Tom! How dare you! I watched The Man With One Red Shoe. Twice! And you know what? Damn his charisma, I almost got one too. Fortunately, I snapped out of it when I realized the enrollment gift was a book about Al Pacino.

At least he sent me this picture of himself. I didn't have the heart to tell him that I still haven't seen DaVinci Code.